Help Your Child Adjust To A New Sibling

When you're a parent, that moment you realize your family will soon grow a little bigger can be exciting. But it may also prompt some worries about how your existing child or children may react when a new sibling arrives. Will they be happy, nervous or a bit jealous?

As a mom or dad, it's your job to help your young ones prepare for the arrival of their baby brother or sister. The best way to handle the transition depends on your child's age. Fortunately, there are several things you can do to make their adjustment to a new baby as smooth as possible.

Why Helping Your Child Adjust To A New Sibling Matters

There's no question that your family dynamic will change when you introduce a new baby. Your child may be thrilled to have a ready-made, in-house playmate. But they could also wonder what having another child around will mean for them.

Letting your child know they're special and that you love them is the most important part of helping them welcome a new sibling, said Emily Switzer, MD, a pediatrician with Franciscan Physician Network Family Medicine & Pediatrics Dyer.

"Growing your family is largely a time of great excitement. But your child may feel anxious about this new person entering their home," she said. "From a parent's perspective, you want to reassure your child that you will love them as much as you always have. They need to know that your love isn't changing. Your heart is just getting bigger."

When To Start Preparing Your Child For A New Sibling

When you discover a new baby is on the way, it's tempting to share the news as soon as possible. But it's not always necessary with children, Dr. Switzer said. Instead, your child's age should guide when you tell them.

"Deciding when to tell your child and starting to prepare them to be a big brother or sister is age-dependent," she said. "You want to choose a time when the idea of a new baby will be real - when they can understand the changes that are happening."

For toddlers and preschool-age children, it's best to tell them when the physical signs of pregnancy begin to appear. Watching your baby grow can add to their excitement. A school-aged child - 5 years or older - will have an easier time imagining their new sibling. So, you can involve them as soon as you want to, Dr. Switzer said.

Ways To Help Your Child Adjust To A New Sibling

There are several ways you can help your older child prepare and adjust to their new baby brother or sister. Dr. Switzer suggested taking these steps.

Talk About Babies

Depending on how much your child understands about babies, they may expect you to bring home another child who can talk and play. So, it's important to talk about what babies do and what they need.

"If your child is very young, it's a good idea to show them picture books about what a new baby is," Dr. Switzer said. "When you talk through these books with them, they will better understand what your new baby will be able to do and how they will grow and develop."

It's also a good idea to explain that babies aren't cute and cuddly all the time, she said. Let your child know that their new brother or sister will sometimes cry or have a dirty diaper that doesn't smell good. Be sure to add that the baby will outgrow crying and diapers - just like your older child did.

Involve Them In Decisions

A lot goes into the preparation for your baby's arrival. You may need new furniture, toys or clothes. Let your older child help you make these choices. They may have an opinion on what color to paint your baby's room or what their first stuffed animal should be.

"Involve your older child in getting everything ready for your new baby," she said. "Ask them to pick out some baby clothes or a pacifier. Let them feel like they're part of the journey from the very beginning."

Celebrate Them When The Baby Arrives

Your baby's birth is an exciting day for everyone. Your new infant arrives, and you become a parent again. Don't forget that it's also your older child's first day as the big sibling. That deserves attention, too.

"Doing something special for your older child on the day your new one arrives can make a big impact," Dr. Switzer said. "It doesn't have to be much. It could be a small gift or time to do something on their own with a grandparent or other family member. Whatever it is, make it something special for them that doesn't involve the baby."

Let Them Help

Give your older child a simple job to help them feel like a big kid you can trust to care for their little brother or sister. Ask them to help with diaper changes. Let them play games with the baby. Or ask if they'd like to help feed their sibling.

"Encourage your child, as the older sibling, to be a helper. And let them know their new role in the family is important," Dr. Switzer said. "But make sure they don't feel like you're only relying on them for work or including them to be a helper. They're not there to be a second parent."

Spend One-On-One Time Together

After your baby is born, remember to dedicate some solo time to your older child, Dr. Switzer said. Quality time alone with you makes your child feel special. Read a book or play a game together while your baby naps. Or, let a family member watch the baby so you can take your child out for lunch or to play at the park.

Ultimately, she said, helping your child adjust to their new sibling will be a process. Even if they adjust well, they may still get upset from time to time or temporarily revert to younger behaviors like temper tantrums. That's all normal and OK. The most important thing is for your child to feel secure and valued.

"The bottom line of everything just comes down to love. All a child wants to know is that you still love them as much as you ever did," she said. "It's as simple as that - just make sure they know they're loved."