Putting A Stop To Parental Stress

Parenting is one of life's greatest joys, but it can also be one of life’s greatest stressors. It’s no secret that parenting can also be incredibly demanding. The constant juggling of work, family, and personal responsibilities can often lead to feelings of overwhelm and burnout.

But what happens when the weight of these responsibilities becomes too much to bear?

Learn how to recognize the signs and symptoms of parental stress, and discover practical strategies to help you reclaim your peace of mind.

Franciscan Physician Network family medicine doctor Kimberland Anderson, MD, offers tips for how parents can manage their stress and make the most of our time with our kids and families. Listen to the podcast or read on for more tips.

How Common Is Stress For Parents?

Almost half of American parents surveyed say they face "overwhelming" levels of stress on a daily basis, and an advisory issued by the U.S. Surgeon General called parental stress an urgent public health issue.

One-third of parents said they faced high levels of stress within the past month, compared to 20% of other adults, according to the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents. Nearly half of parents surveyed said, "most days, their stress is completely overwhelming," according to the new advisory. That's double the other adults expressing that same level of daily stress.

According to the Surgeon General’s advisory, some of the major stressors plaguing parents include:

• Financial stressors or economic instability
• Time demands
• Children’s health 
• Children’s safety
• Parental isolation and loneliness
• Technology and social media
• Cultural pressures and children’s futures

In addition, mental health conditions and other pressures may impact some parents and caregivers, including those facing family or community violence, poverty, racism or discrimination, the advisory stated.

What Are Common Signs Or Symptoms Of Parental Stress?

Feeling tired, short-tempered or tense can be a sign of experiencing a bad day, or they can be symptoms of dealing with ongoing stress as a parent.

“It is challenging because certainly being a parent at all the stages, whether we're talking about parenting infants or toddlers or adolescents, a lot of times you just feel tired,” said Dr. Anderson, a board-certified family medicine doctor and a parent of two. “It's difficult to be able to determine, ‘Am I tired because I'm so busy? Or is there something more going on?’ A lot of times, tiredness or fatigue can be, one of the initial signs that there is some stress going on for the parent.”

Another key sign is changes in interest in activities that were once enjoyable.

“Sometimes we start to lose some interest in things that we really love to do or used to do,” Dr. Anderson said. “Sometimes it's a question of, ‘Do I just not have time for those things anymore, or do I not have the desire for those things?’ So, certainly those are some of the initial signs that parents can experience.”

Signs of chronic stress

We all know about the “fight or flight” reaction that can come with a stressful moment. But if you have chronic stress, your body stays in that hypervigilant state, putting you at higher risk for chronic health problems in the future.

Chronic stress can manifest as physical health problems, including:

• Headaches
• Fatigue
• Forgetfulness
• Constipation, diarrhea or other stomach issues
• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much

You may get sick more often than usual because stress weakens your immune system. Chronic stress may also set the stage for anxiety and depression and worsen any underlying medical conditions.

Making matters worse, some people cope with chronic stress by turning to high-fat comfort foods, smoking tobacco, or consuming more alcohol or drugs, all of which add to the negative health consequences of stress.

Does A Parent's Stress Impact The Mental Health Of Children?

“There have been studies that have shown when parents are feeling stressed, particularly if we start exhibiting some of the other symptoms like feeling overwhelmed or being more irritable or being impatient,” Dr. Anderson said. “The kids directly can see those things, and it can impact their future mental health. It can impact how they deal with their friends, how they approach school, if they have any extracurricular activities that they're in, that could be affected as well. So certainly, our children can take on some of that stress. Sometimes they're just worried about mom and dad. So, they certainly can feel that stress and that angst.”

The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents warns that children of parents with mental health conditions may have a higher risk for symptoms of depression and anxiety and earlier onset and impact from mental health conditions.

What Are Some Effective Stress Management Techniques For Parents?

Finding time for stress management can be a challenge as a busy parent, but it’s an investment that’s worth it, Dr. Anderson said.

“We certainly can really take up our whole day engrossed in all the things that it means to be a parent, but it is so key to find some moments throughout the day where you can take a little bit of time for yourself,” she said.

Dr. Anderson suggests these ways you can help manage stress and support your overall mental and physical health include:

• Meditation. “I think meditation in the morning is a good exercise to do, maybe only 10 or 15 minutes because, I know that time is of the essence sometimes.”
• Walking or other exercise
• Getting better sleep
• Spending time with friends and family. “If there are things that you can engage your kids with that you also enjoy, sometimes that can be therapeutic, and that can manage stress.”
• Therapy. “Sometimes we need some extra help in figuring out how to cope through life.”

When Should Parents Consider Therapy Or Counseling?

If stress has become a persistent part of your life, affecting your daily functioning and overall well-being, therapy or counseling may be considered.

“Sometimes it really helps talking about all of the concerns that you have to someone who is a professional, who's not directly connected to your life,” Dr. Anderson said. “Being able to have those open discussions and maybe leave with some coping skills or other things that maybe you hadn't considered can be quite helpful.”

How Can I Meet My Obligation As Parents When Stressed?

Dr. Anderson reminds parents to give themselves grace.

“So many times, parents feel guilty for needing some personal time, but that really does help in facilitating a nurturing environment and talking to your kids,” Dr. Anderson said. “That really helps to say ‘Mom's just feeling a little bit stressed right now,’ or, ‘I'm just feeling a little bit stressed right now. So can we just have 10 minutes of quiet time and then we're going to have some fun and go outside.’”

Being open about a parent’s stress can help their children learn to discuss their worries and their mental health, as well.

“Because our children can start to display concern or worry about us or may be at risk of mental health issues in the future, really that's a good opportunity to have those discussions of, ‘How are you feeling? How is your day going? It's OK sometimes if it's not all fun. It's OK if you don't feel the best or a friend upset you,” Dr. Anderson said. “Take that opportunity and that will create that nurturing environment as well.”

What Strategies Can Help Relieve Work-Related Stress?

Dr. Anderson recommends parents set boundaries for work-life balance.

“Commonly we think about setting boundaries as if we're working outside of the home, 9 to 5, or even inside of the home,” she said. “We want to make sure that our coworkers or, our managers are aware of our time. If it's 9 to 5, it should be 9 to 5 as best as possible. I know certainly there are some situations where that may not be ideal, but if that boundary can be set, that is key.”

Those boundaries include ones we place on ourselves, she added.

“Many times we will take work home, we will check that work email, and now we're down a rabbit hole of work,” she said. “Being able to set those boundaries are key. Planning some time, whether it's vacation time with family or just certain activities, in advance or taking off, if it's a couple of hours a month and going to the spa, going hunting or whatever it is that tends to rejuvenate and relieve that stress. I think that helps with the work-life balance.”

How Can Parents Manage Financial Stress Without Worrying Their Children?

“I think that there are some creative ways to be able to try and work around those financial difficulties,” Dr. Anderson said. “Certainly in this economy, this is a really rough time. I don't think there's anyone who doesn't feel it on some level. Being able to devise a plan and really just try and encourage that family unit and togetherness, I think is helpful.

“We don't necessarily need to have those discussions with the kids. We may decide that we're not going out to eat as often, but we can present to our children, ‘Let's just spend more time together. I'd like us to cook together as a family and really be able to build that unit. And that's our time. You know, we only have so much time during the day.’ So, being able to present it that way can be helpful so that our kids are not taking on that financial stress. There have been studies that have shown that when kids are raised in a really stressful financial situation, they tend to have more mental health problems as they grow up.”

While the demands of being a parent can be overwhelming, it's essential to remember that you're not alone. By recognizing the signs of stress, prioritizing self-care and seeking support when needed, you can cultivate a healthier parenting experience and reclaim your peace of mind.